The Tea and Terrorist Society
Parent Advocacy at the District Level
by Monique Lloyd
Many parents feel powerless when dealing with their public schools; this is
especially true of parents with highly gifted children. The end-point comes when
they recognize their school system is not responsive to the needs of students,
parents, and community members and they find they must take radical action. The
less a child's needs are being met by the school system, the greater the
likelihood the parent will work for long term and widespread change. The
strength of that drive is not based on any abstract philosophical or political
theories but on one of the fiercest instincts on earth -- protecting one's
children.
I have four sons, all identified by my district as intellectually gifted and
each entitled by Oregon law to receive instruction at his individual rate and
level. I reached my end-point the day I realized I had a file drawer full of
records of meetings, phone calls, and letters with school officials going back
six years. For six years I'd tried to get school officials to understand that
not challenging my children and others like them was hurting them. They hadn't
listened. My children were still suffering. All the letters I'd written could
have been resent to the same people changing only the dates. I'd played by their
rules and wasted an enormous amount of time and energy trying to change an
indifferent system. I eventually turned to homeschooling but at the same time
continued to serve on district committees and attend school board meetings. I
wanted school officials to be very aware that I was still there, still watching
what they were doing, still asking hard questions, and demanding answers. I was
not going away.
I found three other mothers in my district who had reached their end-points
at about the same time I had. We live in a small, rural community and had known
each other since our children began school. We began meeting in each other' s
homes on a regular basis to drink tea and complain about the schools. Soon our
discussions turned to what we could do. These mothers had highly gifted
children; some also had children who were learning disabled. The Tea and
Terrorist Society was born.
We realized we needed to understand our community. One mother's family had
lived here for generations. She knew which people were related, who had known
each other since childhood, and how well they got along. We learned A and B were
cousins and very close, for example; something a casual observer would never
have guessed, and that it would not be wise to ask neighbors C and D to work
together because, while cordial to each other in public, they had been feuding
for years.
We recognized the culture of our community was rural and what that meant.
Most of our school board members were farmers. They distrusted technology, did
not question the administration, and had trouble seeing beyond what their eyes
told them was there. The nature of our community had begun slowly shifting in
the previous few years and while we were and are still quite rural, an influx of
small business owners, commuters, and retired folks who were outspoken and
active in community affairs, including the schools, had joined us. We knew they
could help to effect change in the schools.
One mother saw the world in visual terms and gave us ideas about what to wear
and why, how to hold our bodies, and use our eyes, voices, and hands. Each of us
took turns sitting next to her at meetings and listened as she whispered to us
what was really happening based solely on body language. The third mother was
adept at conversing with anyone. Her skills were key. I worked to keep us
focused and organized. We shared what we were good at with each other and then
shared what we'd learned with others in little bits and pieces and in small and
subtle ways.
Our first goal was giving parents hope. We worked at empowering others. We
didn't hold public meetings but looked at individuals' skills, the level of risk
taking they were comfortable with, the level of frustration they felt with the
schools, and gave each person encouragement and personalized ideas. Some parents
took everything we gave them and went further, adding more ideas. We noted the
techniques which were successful and helped spread them. We included the
community's traditional leaders by encouraging their involvement in ways that
worked for change.
Much of our information was passed along in what appeared to be informal and
spontaneous conversations. These casual discussions at the end of phone
conversations with neighbors, friends, and acquaintances, after football and
basketball games, outside the local grocery store and post office, before a
school or community meeting, or while waiting to pick up children from school
were, in actuality, all carefully planned.
We made many lists but little of our communication was written. We found ways
to bring the topic of conversation to the schools and then shared the ideas we
had, checking the points on our lists off mentally. When talking about the
school board, for example, we let it be known that their names and phone numbers
was available from the district office. We shared information about how to talk
to them effectively -- call after dinner time, ask if they have a few moments to
talk before starting, stay calm, speak quietly and clearly, and state the
problem or concern concisely. Most of our board members were men. We noted that
they paid closer attention when other men spoke so we encouraged women to
persuade their husbands to go to meetings and speak up.
We shared advocacy tips: Decide what you want from the school for your
children and develop a plan, deciding beforehand on the minimum you'll accept.
Recognize you always have options. Persistence is essential because school
officials know that most people will give up after a few obstacles are placed in
front of them. Document everything in writing. If we had time and the person was
interested we'd give brief examples, showing how these ideas had been effective
for someone they knew.
As parents became more sophisticated we gave them more ideas. When a teacher
appears to be ignoring a letter you've sent about a problem, send another
thanking him or her for working to resolve the issue and ask for an update,
making sure to send a copy to the principal. If you're told something can't be
done because of a district policy, a law, an administrative rule, or research
ask to see it in writing; oftentimes it's been misinterpreted and sometimes it
doesn't exist. We analyzed letters we received from school officials for style
and content and added any effective techniques they used to our repertoire. We
allowed them to teach us and then we went out and taught others what we'd
learned.
There's an old country saying that you can't act like a skunk without someone
getting wind of it. Holding school officials accountable in public for what they
did and didn't do helped everyone better identify the source of the smell. We
insisted the district comply with state records and meetings laws. After making
several long-distance phone calls to the State Attorney General's office, we
discovered we could purchase a copy of the Public Records and Meetings Manual
for less than twenty dollars. It became an invaluable tool. With access to
records and meetings which had formerly been denied to us, we began to ask more
and harder questions. As the current reality became clearer and parents began to
believe they could change schools to meet their children's needs, they developed
visions of what could be and began to work to make those visions the reality.
We avoided personal vendettas, recognizing that school officials do what they
do because they are trained to make and follow rules and regulations. It's part
of who they are and how they think. We aimed to give them ways and reasons to
think differently and if they couldn't then to find ways to replace them with
others who could.
We used what was in the system and made it more effective. For example, in
our district a parent is included on the interview committee when a new teacher
or administrator is to be hired. We didn't try get on these committees ourselves
but rather we'd wait until someone had volunteered or been appointed and then
gave that person ideas about what questions to ask. Often we'd talk briefly to
several people we knew that parent knew and trusted and let them discuss it with
the committee member.
What we did could never have been accomplished by just one or two
individuals. Not only did we need each other's skills and insights we needed
each other when we became discouraged and tired. We learned to laugh at
ourselves and not take ourselves too seriously. We analyzed what had happened
when things went awry and brainstormed to find new directions and tactics. Our
husbands provided financial support and cheered us on. They also provided us
with additional insights and techniques.
The Tea and Terrorist Society was active for four years. Our district has a
new superintendent, new principals, and new school board members. A number of
teachers have decided to go to other districts. The current school board
chairman is a retired IBM executive with an MBA. There is constant attention to
finding ways to change and improve. Our district's goals are determined with
community input, measurable, and continuously examined to ensure they are
reached.
Parents worked with administrators and the board to develop innovative
options. A public alternative school, which is in direct competition for the
district's students, is in its second year of existence with support from the
district. Parents also have the option to sign an alternative education
contract. After determining the best program for the student and developing an
individualized program for him or her, utilizing a combination of in-school
courses, computer and satellite dish classes, the parents, superintendent, and
student sign an alternative education contract. These students are public
school, alternative education students even though some of their work may be
done at home. We made sure not to cut any special, secret deals. All the
programs are in policies adopted by the school board. This helps protect them.
My sons have gone back into the public schools after having been subject and
grade accelerated. The district has added advanced courses through distance
learning and community college classes. The children of the other members of the
Tea and Terrorist Society are attending the alternative school or having their
needs met in the public school. We've continued to closely monitor what is going
on in the schools and the community. We recognize there are still problems and
that the district could slip back into old habits. We understand that neither
success nor failure is ever final.
Things didn't always work out the way we planned. Sometimes unexpected twists
and turns brought us to new and marvelous places we'd never have thought to go.
Sometimes serendipity came to the rescue and a problem was resolved without our
intervention. It was hard work, time consuming, and emotionally exhausting. It
had to be done over and over again because people moved away or their children
grew up and out of the schools.
The public schools do not belong to administrators and teachers. They belong
to us. Parents have enormous power, much more than they think they do. They just
have to use it. If you want change in your school district and are searching for
a leader look in a mirror and smile. Then find a few others like yourself and
get to work.
©1999 Monique Lloyd
May be reprinted.
Last updated
September 1999
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