To My Teacher

by Shaun, then 14, to his English teacher

I didn't ask for it. This mind that seems to so repulse you.
It's not my fault I'm different in a way you cannot stand.
I cannot understand why a man like you could fear me.
But fear is what I see in you - it's either that or hate.

You call yourself a teacher, well teach me, Sir, I beg you.
I am at your disposal, so please don't throw me out.
I can't see how it harms you, to teach the person I am
Instead of teaching me that who I am just doesn't count.

It seems I'm not the person you want to spend your time on
I know you entered teaching to try and make things fair
I think you feel that nobody should be allowed to do well
Unless it's everybody - but is it fair to make me wait?

You're not just sitting back, Sir, and letting me learn nothing
Instead you're leaving me to fall back from what I used to do
If you want to help the weak, then please I beg you help me
Because I'm just not strong enough to do this on my own.

I want to learn, so much, Sir, that I really truly taste it
Those things that lie on edges just beyond the things I know
But every day I sit down in your class room, I retreat from
The places I could go if you would just give me a chance.

I'm arrogant, perhaps, to think my crude verse might just move you
But there's nothing left for me unless I make you understand
I don't want to be this way - I just want to be normal
But I didn't get a choice and I cannot turn it off.

I don't claim to be special, I don't want any privilege
I just want to be shown that it's OK to be myself.
Let me learn what I am able, without feeling like it's wrong, Sir
I have never asked for anything, but I am begging you

I know you do not hate me, I hope I'm wrong about you
Being scared of me, or finding me repellant to your views
But I'm hurting as I write this, and I don't like pain at all, Sir
That's how much I need to say this - now it's really up to you.

Author's Note:

Yes, I did hand this up to my English teacher, and in fact, it did work - although not exactly in the way I'd planned. You know the
expression 'Be careful what you wish for?'

He accepted what I'd said, and decided that he would make a special effort to give me what I said I needed. But if he was going to make a special effort - then so was I. He taught me to within an inch of my life - he really pushed me very hard to excel, and wouldn't accept anything less than my best.

I'm not complaining - in fact, I'm extremely grateful to him and I've felt long term benefits from his teaching - it was brilliant. But at 14 - well, I just wanted a *little* bit more of a challenge - he decided to take me to the limits that I could reach.

©Copyright 2004 by Shaun H.