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Hoagies' Blog Hop: Asking for Help

How and When to Ask For Help. So many things happen with our gifted kids, students, older family members, and even ourselves, that make us think, "Is this normal?" Good question!  When should we ask for help, and when should we just "let it ride..."  And how and where and to whom should we, could we, ask for help? 

As a teacher, when should we ask for help with the education of the gifted kids in our class?  As a parent, how can we ask for help when our previously sparkle-in-their-eyes child slowly comes home from school sullen-and-withdrawn, commenting about "never learning again"?  Our gifted teens... that's another time when both parents and teachers find themselves scratching their heads wondering "Is this normal?" or "Should I be worried?" There are so many times and reasons to ask for help with the gifted...

Don't miss our previous Blog Hops, including Anxiety and Gifted Self-Care.  Also visit Hoagies' Gifted Online Communities...

If you'd like to read all our past Blog Hops or join our next Blog Hop, visit Blog Hops for our past and future topics.  Special thanks to Pamela S. Ryan for our striking Blog Hop graphics!

The Oxygen Mask: Gifted and 2e Parenting by The Fissure
Despite decades of research and advocacy, misconceptions about gifted students persist. Among the myths listed by the National Association for Gifted Children (NAGC), this one may be the most damaging: “gifted students don’t need help; they’ll do fine on their own.”

The same myth could be used to describe parents of gifted children...
This too shall pass...but in the meantime I'm asking for Help by Catie, My Little Poppies
Parenting a gifted child can be a lonely venture simply because no one feels comfortable talking about it. Once you connect with other parents of gifted children you realize that you're not alone. Yes, your parenting experience may be different than the norm, but you aren't alone. Your normal is someone else's normal, too...
Help! Where Do I Get It? by Adventures of Hahn Academy
Help, what’s that? Here are some synonyms for help: assistance, relief, advice, aid, benefit, comfort, support, service, lift, cooperation, guidance, avail, maintenance, remedy, sustenance, utility, or helping hand. As you can see, the word doesn’t have negative connotations and is actually something we should want. Now let's look at the antonyms for help: injury, obstruction, counteraction, harm, blockage, encumbrance, handicap, hindrance or hurt. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want any of these. And I know from experience that if we don’t get help or advocate for our gifted children harm does in fact occur. By not seeking help, gifted are harmed via increased rates of being bullied, higher levels of underachievement, boredom, misbehavior, dropping out, and failure (academically and/or socially)...
Gifted Children and Adults: When is Therapy Helpful? by Gail Post in Gifted Challenges
Although education, mental health and health care professionals have been known to misdiagnose and mislabel gifted thinking and behaviors as a sign of disturbance, it is just as important to not overlook problems when they arise. And gifted people often possess traits that make life more complicated!
How and When to Ask For Help by Jo on Sprite's Site
Who can help gifted and 2E students and how and when should we seek help?
From school administrators, teachers and coaches, mentors and leaders? From counsellors or therapists? From state &/or federal government? From humankind? From the Universe? From family and friends and other members of the gifted community? Who helps or has helped you and how? How did u seek them or reach them or find them? What difference did it make?
Learning to Ask for Help (begins with how it's been offered in the past) by Everyday Learning
For me, not wanting to ask for help was a learned behavior but it was also rooted in pride. I believe myself to be a fairly intelligent person, but when I was younger I had all kinds of raging insecurities about how other people perceived me. I also had a fear of being seen as needy or not capable of the independence I coveted from a very early age.

As a parent, I was also aware of how my children behaved when it was clear that they were in need of help, but were not asking. Saying, “Ask me, if you need anything” never really got a meaningful response.

So, I began to rethink how I offered help to others, especially my kids. By framing my offers of help in gentle language that revealed my own struggles and need for assistance in the past, I was able to show there’s no shame in accepting help...
When You Want to Send the Gift(edness) Back by Paula Prober, Your Rainforest Mind
And you're not complaining when you explain that there are times when you want to send the gift back. You're seriously overwhelmed, exhausted and enthralled by what you see, what you feel, what you hear, what you intuit, what you smell, what you know, what you don't know, what you worry about, and what you don't worry about. And if you're a parent of a child whose brain is wired for extra-intelligence, then, be sure to keep your receipt. Because you may want to send that gift back, too...
When Your Gifted Child is Struggling in School: Things to Consider by Gift-Ed Connections
There is only one response I have to the question "When should I ask for help?" Anytime you have concerns about your child's learning and wellbeing.

"But I don't want to be THAT parent!" You know your child best so if there has been a change in their behaviour, their attitude toward learning or their general happiness that is worrisome and that you are not able to explain, it is important to ask questions...
Choosing Help by Linda Wallin, Living with Geniuses
When I couldn't bear the thought of staying in the depressing situation any longer, I moved from a farm to a city and sought counseling for myself and my kids. Someone had recommended it to me, but I waited until there was a hole in a wall and another in a door. Anger. Counseling helped...
Yes, you need help! by Planet Smarty Pants
Where do you turn for help when confronted with something that you cannot control or when you are not sure what you should do next? I recently wrote a post with 10 online resources for parents of gifted kids – great websites and communities where you can obtain more information and meet parents just like you. But today I want to talk about books – books for parents of gifted kids and gifted kids themselves...
Dear Tired Mama of Gifted Kids... by Colleen on Raising Lifelong Learners
Take heart, mama, it is worth it. The late night theological discussions, the endless curiosity, the boundless energy, the constant noise… it’s all worth it.

But, because the traditional parenting tips don’t typically work with gifted and intense children, you often feel alone and like you’re failing. Miserably.

Here’s the thing, mama of gifted and intense kiddos… you’re not failing. At all. And the supermom myth… well it’s just a myth. You can’t do it all, and you certainly can’t do it alone...
Seeking Help for the Uniquely Normal... or Normally Unique by Diane Hale, in Schooling the Gifted
What is it about human nature that makes us want to be "normal" and totally unique at the same time? The good news about parenting or teaching gifted kids is that you get to live in a perpetual state of unique normality. (Oxymoron intended). After teaching gifted children for twelve years I came to love the new normal that was my classroom. However, I ran into trouble when outliers cropped up and I didn't know where to go for help...
Open to Receive by Aurora Remember
It's that discomfort that makes asking for help so much more difficult than giving it. Asking for help requires vulnerability. We have to put ourselves out there and risk rejection.

Offering help is easy. It makes us feel good to help others feel good. It helps us to connect without feeling vulnerable because we are not putting our own stuff out on the line. It also may make us feel powerful, but is it at the expense of the power of the other?

As Brene Brown points out, vulnerability is uncomfortable, but it is a crucial element...

If you'd like to read all our past Blog Hops or join our next Blog Hop, visit Blog Hops for our past and future topics.  Special thanks to Pamela S. Ryan for our striking Blog Hop graphics!

Updated September 01, 2016

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